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CRAZY GUYS AND LASER EYES

  • March 4, 2022
  • 4 min read
CRAZY GUYS AND LASER EYES

In the cryptocurrency world you are said to have laser eyes if you think a single bitcoin is going to be worth $100,000.

Like most things with Bitcoin, the devil is in the detail, and in this case the detail is the timescale. If you’re talking in terms of the next decade, well, $100,000 isn’t all that controversial, and would simply mean that Bitcoin had appreciated like houses once did, before everything went to hell in a handbasket. So really you’re just saying Bitcoin isn’t going to crash and burn like Colt and Larissa from 90 Day fiancé. I would have said ‘Stephanie and Ryan’ but apparently that’s a made-up ‘fiat’ relationship, which consequently makes it non applicable to crypto. Anyway, as I was saying, thinking Bitcoin is simply going to rise like house prices once did, hardly sounds like rebel talk. But here’s the thing: I’m in a bubble. A bubble where everyone is all in on crypto and has been for years. A bubble where everyone knows what it means to get your bags licked by a robot during ape season. A bubble where a month is a long time. A bubble where everyone has laser eyes.

So what does it mean to believe in Bitcoin? Do you have to own any? Do you have to understand the technology? Do you have to know what crypto mining is? What about a non-fungible token? Do you have to reckon that Snoop Dogg knows more about investing than Warren Buffet? Do you have to hate the US dollar?

Here’s my first tip: try thinking of cryptocurrency as a cultural phenomenon rather than an investment opportunity. Bitcoin people and their stories are often extreme, occasionally funny, and very occasionally, extremely funny. What’s not to love about the true story of a guy who lost access to his crypto fortune, and hired a hypnotist on a monk’s mountain retreat to try to recover the password, from the depths of his subconscious? Or the true story of a guy who sold his house, put it all into Bitcoin, made several hundred million dollars, and then lost it playing online poker? Or the true story of a Hollywood star who put his name to a crypto scam and had to pay damages when it was exposed? Or, and this one’s wild, the true story of the head of one of the world’s largest investment banks who said he would sack anyone from his bank who bought Bitcoin, while his bank was in fact buying Bitcoin?

So don’t think you have to own crypto to enjoy crypto culture. But, and let’s be honest, if you’ve made it this far you’re probably at least crypto curious. So here’s my second tip: don’t expect this monthly column to teach you how to buy crypto, or even to say you should. You can Google the former, and read the Facebook ads for the latter. And don’t expect this column to answer questions like ‘What will happen in the crypto markets this week?’ That’s what they make tarot cards for.

But here is my third and final tip for today: notice that the needle is moving on popular culture. Notice that the current generation of young adults think their parents screwed the environment and broke money while criticizing them for being snowflakes. Notice that they have less trust in financial establishments, less trust in political establishments, and feel less strongly about nationality. Notice that they don’t have a record collection, don’t have shelves full of books, and don’t think working means commuting to an office. Notice also that the current generation tends to win because, well, they outlive the older generations. Then ask yourself how invested those people are in the survival of traditional currency?

Remember that the fun of the old hedge mazes was to find your way to the middle, not to escape, and so it is with the crypto maze: you’re entering a cultural labyrinth from the outside ‘normal’ world, and you want to get to the middle where the culture clash is the most extreme. Enjoy the maze and let’s try to find the middle together. My guess is you’ll want to stay.

Take it from a crazy guy with laser eyes.

The Block Witcher

 

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